BLOG & ACTIVITIES
'23 November
Dear friends
I am on the island Ameland. It is giving Tuesday, the moon was full yesterday, the sun shines and drips golden drops down and in.
I am still alive, in liminal time, in-between what was and will be. Drawing down guidance, resting in deep heart longing for Goodness and possibility to manifest.
(The final contract is not yet established, many obstacles to overcome and “different views” to reconcile…. Waiting, trusting, hoping for a good outcome). Learning to just be present with what is.
Golden yellowish glow. In and on rosehip bushes and dune grass.
See the noble orange lined chairs. They occupy the dune-house I am staying in.Two “thrones” to look out from, to abide and ground in. As Reb Zalman z”l would say :"I invite G’d to sit with me, in conversation."
The rosehip thorny stems carry their leafs turned oker golden yellow.
The moon is waning, Hannukah is coming.
A strong cold wind is blowing, snow and sleet and hail storms are expected.
I start this year, full and ready, with 9 candles burning, so I can add light upon light and spread holiness far and wide.
I know the tradition: the light never dies. There is this “helper” in the dark close by. And day by day, the world will remember wholeness.
And holiness gets restored, and brought out into the future.
May love/light shine strong inside.
May we return to Source, bring light upon light during whatever circumstance will wash over and challenge us.
Wish you all a very meaningful enlightening and rededicating Hannukah time.
B’ahavah, Carola.
Dear friends, a rosh chodesh Elul message, and the 8-8 Lion’s Gate is open. Radical Love flowing.
It is early august 2021, and it is almost Rosh Chodesh Elul, the new moon in Leo.
This is the month of the Presence of the Beloved pouring down and in, Love loving. God Godding. Golding. The sun in full power. Inviting us to open the gate of the heart. To soften, to sweeten, to find courage to deepen and expand Love loving, endlessly.
I am in an organic garden, searching for my focus for drawing and painting. A field of red cabbage was gathered and reaped a few days ago. This month, Elul, it says: “God is in the field”. This is the month to clean up, let go of old worn out “clothings”. To do a reset and return towards Basic Goodness and Source.
This is what I saw:
I fell in love with the movement and grandeur of the fading deep red leaves. I have just a few colors of acrylics and green and yellow bister ink powder. I enlarge my drawing paper, the movement of my hands/arms/heart need space.
This appears, with the flowering towards the right and a yellow sun tucked
under and in. The weather is wild. Sudden windfalls blow, ominous clouds
darken the sky.
I need to leave the redcabbage spot and open space. Retire. Repose. Return.
I turn inward, listening to the small still voice in my heart.
Move on.
I turn the reflection of my inner image on paper, wait and see.
The mishmash mirrors the full summer abundance of poppies and sunflowers and green/red cabbage leaves dancing in my heart. Deep Love loving.
I turn the paper once more, upside down, and see: a Light Bearer, angelic being, from high up above descends, enters the crown. The soil, blessing the earth.
Deep under. A navel. Wow. I feel grateful for all the help and support I received and am receiving in this life on earth. A heartwarming fire is burning. True nourishment.
What about the fable that children are born out of red cabbage?
The amniotic sac, the placenta looks like that.
Can I finally incarnate fully, let “my placenta” fertilize the earth,
birth new life, out of the transfiguration of the old.?
I turn the fire Being upside down and up.
I seek roots and rest. While crazy wild winds are blowing.
The Light of the eternal sun shines bright. I let Rachmones in,
this Great Merciful loving arms of Source, embracing, penetrating
and warming my bones and cells. A love-breath flowing.
In, out, from above and from below, wide, expanding wide.
I pray, Adonai Adonai El Rachum we Channun………………(the 13 attributes of Mercy)
The red beech appears. The red beech, my family tree, standing at flowing waters, close to the ancient Sefardic cemetery in Amersfoort.
Strong, upright, deeply rooted, its leafs do not wither.
MY soul tree.
“Al mee menoechot” (psalm 23,2) Langs rustig water. Along tranquil water.
My soul family, Sefardic Jews, arrived in Amersfoort around 1655. And were buried here.
In 2010 a memorial stone was placed at the deserted and forgotten spot.
One gravestone is left. In 2015 I visited this spot for the first time and felt immediately “at home”. Listening to my soul longing I searched Google with the words “aging in Amersfoort” (Ouder worden in Amersfoort). I found POWER. The network of 50 plus people with P.O.W.E.R :
with Pleasure, becoming Old and learning to Relativize and Relax, a network for consciously
and actively aging, eldering and socializing Amersfoorters. They shared their initiative of
a co-housing project at the Zonnehof. Now I live there. Flowering fully, aging and Saging.
Birthing and dying and rebirthing.
Life is a process. Love is stronger than death.
Especially now. I will celebrate my 75 birthday soon.
May I grow in Love and Loving, letting the Beloved Love through me.
Fully. Mysteriously. Radically. Each day a little bit more.
Transformative art, summer 2019, the joy of living
Drawing down blessings, celebrating the hum of the earth in abundance, the end of the summer, just before the new month of Elul.
In Transformative Artmaking, in Examples you find images, text and a video. Exploring how the hands and heart can become conduits for watering the garden of the soul.
How flowers, leaves, grasses, lotuses, stems and deep waters, how this abundance bears witness for seeding the earth. Earthing me.
Helping to break ’the ego-logy” of heart and mind open into a rich varied “ecology” of heart and mind and body.
I composed a triptych, with two sides.
Please enjoy transformative art making/examples/ the summer 2019 piece.
Water flowing. Swirling leaves. Attuning to The Rhythm of G'd.
It is early August, the month of menachem Av. The summer is hot. Now it is cooling off a bit, leaves are falling.
I am digesting difficult experiences, overwhelming and frustrating situations and
unfamiliar relationdynamics.
My intense emotions are just movements in my mind:
nothing to hold on to, breathing, feeling, falling, dropping.
Drop, drop, drop, dropping reactions,
not trying to understand, not reasoning.
I am watering the Tree in me.
Breathing "my" experiences free.
Letting "my" reactions, assumptions and passions
swirl around like early autumn leaves, fiery, full of summer heat.
These colorful ink drops, while still wet showing the water flowing,
they float in space, but oioioi, soon they dry up. The leaves are crumbling.
Turning into "leavings". Rubbish. Garbage. Waste. Feces? Dejections?
My inner "watering the Tree', the drawing down this unconditional Love flow,
never stops. Energy wont' get lost, or "thrown away", or neglected.
It changes form. Forming on.
Life is a process.
Many leaves on the trees are still green. And do not yet swirl and fall.
Many "old behavior patterns" are not yet worked through and stick.
So, I decide to keep the water flowing under and above and through.........
and add some green-leaves too. And reddish "ground" (earth) on the bottom and blueish "sky"(heaven) above.
My heart is full of joy and feels free to dance.
With crayons I dare to bring in more form, more direction, more expression.
Using and re-formatting all kinds of crashings and clashings (in me and with other people in reality) with joy. Fierce Love is flowing. Wild leaves are swirling.
Catching the beauty of the moment.
Accepting totally my own hand-writing, the strokes and scrabbles.
Accepting the changes, forms and formations, and dis-formations, too.
The full images suggest a beginning and an end. The drawings look fixed/finished.
The water flow seems to disappear.
I make photo's of fragments and search for a "panel-dance" to make a video. And hear "water-music" . Water-Love-Flow. (Ahavah rabbah, with Great Love are you loved. Every unique creature is part of this Love)
The song is by Akiva The Believer from his CD The Rhythm of G'd.
July 2019, China
Dragon trees
I recently visited China and was touched by very, very ancient never dying trees. Often Junniper trees. Thousand of years old.
Some look dead, but are standing and supported to still share their presence. They often get turned and twisted and shaped into dragon like figures and called “dragon-trees”.
Dragons are auspicious benevolent powerful creatures, bringing good luck, ruling over water and the weather. The Chinese emperors chose the dragon as their power sign.
In China, in the old temples and gardens one can see many dragon sculpted roofs and beams and walls. In modern China trees are landscaped/sculptured into dragons too, see the tree dragons in Pudon, Shanghai.
My “dragon shaped tree”,
inspired me to bring light in the depth of the garden, to let water bring the tree alive and become juicy, growing flowers and red feelers. Blessing all creatures, onlookers and passers by with strength and never ending oneness. Inspired me to create my “rhythm of G’d"
It was great fun to make the drawing. It is not so much “the end-result” that enchants me. It is the process, the intensity and movement which expresses the “dragon” power.
Therefor I offer a short film, showing fragments dancing together in the sound of a prayer. The call to Listen.
THE prayer of remembering connectedness, of heaven and earth unifying in the One. The Shema…..
“Shema Israel, Adonai eloheinou, adonai Echad”. My jewish soul hears and speaks THAT from the depth of my Being.
It is not so much “the words”, as the intensity and intention of Akiva The Believer voicing/sounding the prayer. From his CD THE RHYTHM OF G'D
April 6 2019, new moon in Aries, rosh chodesh nissan, spring greetings.
The art of loving
There are many ways to express Love. Powerful Love transforms, heals, unifies, and re-frames old stories and old forms. (Pluto doing its work).
It has been the new moon in Aries (April 6), the sun is in Aries and Pluto and Saturn are dancing a special dance.
For me personally quite an intense emotional period is finally revivifying and blessing me. Nourishing through beauty, challenges and art making as soul making.
I joined an art project to use examples to interpret, re-tell the story and create your own version on a stone-piece-of "paper"cloth to decorate a Church wall. The exhibition is planned for April 14 2019 in de Gooische Academie Laren. Photo's of the actual show I will add later.
I got inspired by a miniature drawing by Diana Sudyka, by a “dreaming” woman’s portrait by Picasso and a picture from the Codex Manesse (about minne-song). In fact, the minne-song (art of loving) picture appeared first, in that picture I remembered Picasso’s woman-head-posture, and discovering the “double meaning”, the two sides as a feminine surrender and a penis-eye laying on top…. I was very happy to find “the high priestess” image, with a book and a letter and flowers growing from her heart. Yes, let me send out this bird with invisible Love and Wisdom words, yes, may red and blue and gold celebrate spring.
Here the images and the associations to connect with myth, archetype, and an inner alchemical process.
Engaging in the art of loving. Acknowledging Amor’s Presence. Feeling Eros flowing. Allowing the power of love doing its work. "Through Time and Space her Glory shines".
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See how a love-letter is send out from a holy woman, the High Priestess (Tarot-deck), Queen of wisdom and love. Maria, Sophia, Deborah..... you name her.
And feel the essence of dreaming the unification. Drinking Love in.
And hear the “minnesang” coming from the Codex Manesse. (from around 1300/1340)
Act 1
Resting in this Demeter-mother-queen of Life. the High Priestess. Totally connected. Standing rooted deep down, in between heaven and earth.
This vertical, long, deep, ancient, tree-ing up and down and up. Centered in the heart of wisdom.The gold dripping in and down and around.
The olive tree-leaves mingle with rose flowers and a bird is send off to deliver a love-letter.
Act 2
The receiving, hearing, seeing, dreaming being united, in love. Becoming a vessel, cup overflowing, circling in, in, in. Experience the total abandon, Eros flowing, embraced and embracing. Fully penetrated, immersed, merged. In love. 1+1=3
Act 3
Keep on loving, touch the heart. Let the active, masculine knighthood power be contained in the tender wise, sweetening feminine power. The bird is returning to drink again the nectar, elixir of life. Let Amor triumph: “Calm your anger, lay down your weapon, recognize eternal Love" This Amor says to Orpheus who lost his Eurydice. Do not lose Love. Be Love.
And let us together rejoice in the beauty of nature, life, and each other, unifying the masculine and feminine powers.
Re-vitalizing and re-framing the use of power. Embodying Spirit. En-spiriting the body.
In order to embody this "eternal, unconditional" love truly, a lot of fire needs to burn old awkward ways of loving and using/misusing the powers. This process is ongoing in me, through me. Shadow-work. The blackening. Nigredo. I will share my art-work showing that another time again. Here you may enjoy "the red-dening", rubedo. The sweetening.
Much love while journeying towards Pessach. Carola.
My work on the wall of the church as part of the exhibition of work by students of Nikki van Es, Gooische Academie Laren.
December 2018 Christmas/winter greetings from a chilly dark grey rainy lowlands. Now it is winter solstice. Dark. Life is cosy inside. Here you see me sitting in my house, on my meditation spot “in the tree”. What is outside is inside, and so above so below.
A friend just send this picture of me with my colorful head in paradise.
"I am a rose of Sharon, a lily of the valley…..a delight to sit in the shade of trees , from the 'Song of Solomon'.
It was a late summer art making day (’s Graveland, Land en Boschzicht) and I am fully engaging in beautifying and enriching life, feeling and seeing, breathing, alive in nature, with nature and within my true nature.
I have no memory of the product (I check my archive and retrieve the left over “signs of life”). I do still have a vivid body sense memory of the process, trying to settle in the spot with bees buzzing close to me. Feeling the unpredictability of the wind, seeking spaciousness, wanting “a view”. It was hot, humid and a wild short blast with showers chased me out of there soon later. Clearing the air. Forcing me to leave my drawings, start new ones, change perspective, moving on to a different spot, to a different atmosphere, with different colors and forms.
So, 2018 was a year of “taking life as it comes”, finding Paradise all around me, despite short storms, rainy moods and discomforts. Committed to a creative life. Grateful for all the blessings. Life is Good. My house is very pleasant.
My view:
Today is December 5 2018, the third day of Hanukkah and I quietly enjoy my home-hut in my tree-place.
What needs to be felt, seen, acknowledged?
Sap Green is flowing, vein-ing, tree-ing
a sacred fire hides inside.
The tree turns light into life and is budding
a compressed whole new world is hanging in there.
I tore apart a drawing of hortensia flowers
and this face, this world, this whole cosmos assembled from scraps and snips is staring at me.
I am holding this tree-bud in my hands.
She is looking at me and away from me
cross- eyed, one eye out and one eye in. Still angry? Somewhat scared? God knows.
What will become of me? of her?
Silver white shining light is like the winter sun.
Warm and cold and strong.
The green river of life gives birth to light
a new paradise is about to emerge.
Not any more a paradise - lost. That is gone.
I left. (thanking my ancestors for their gifts)
Not any more a paradise - regained. That is old. Dualistic stuff. That job is done. (the future pulls me).
Now what ? Not knowing and still growing, being
just a spark of life within the tree.
This tree is rooted deeply.
The winter solstice is coming soon.
I am wintering
My mother named the hortensia “cauliflower”, “bloemkool”.
I see myself more as a red leaved cabbage, not for consumption.
Better call me a rose bud….. which scent will appear
when her time is ripe.
October 2018
Autumn Light Blessings as Spiritual Nourishment
Abundant Autumn Light Blessings are falling
into me.
I meditate.
I dialogue with my drawings.
(made with brown “biester” and yellow ink/pastel-crayon).
What did I do? What do I feel?
What treasure to find, hidden in these sketchings,
these “experiments” ?
The sun is still warm and bright
Leaves are turning yellow, trembling in the soft breeze,
almost falling off.
Bare branches unraveling the tree structure.
The golden yellow autumn light exposes
holes and lines, shadows and glows,
nuts and shells, flakes and leaves.
Golden Yellow and “Wood-Brown” are all over the Place.
This light, this moment of finding Life in the Dying, and Deathing while living,
This falling, this seeding,
this radiating out and withdrawing in
This light draws drawings out of me,
dripping, dropping
up and down
“out there” faces look at me
mirror, mirror what is there to see? what is there to say?
what is forming form, what is unfolding and unwrapping?
(I was studying a fresh date-fruit. Its skin, its form, groves, lines, shadows and texture.
And studying a skeleton of a dead animal head).
What secret wants to come forth ?
I see “after-images” and spiritual nourishment start to flow.
Light and Lines that feed. Light and spots that fill.
Light that lives, wanting to be caressed and to be met.
a bare bone head with orbits and cracks and holes
stares at me
merging with the autumn trees and leaves
a crumbling date fruit
facing me, telling me to see
the drying, dying, crying:
eat my flesh
fully
sweet and juicy
open to the core
and see what I see
a wild hairy
horse/cow/zebra beast
wanting
to give milk and its life-force
back to me.
The nourishment is seeping in. Slowly. Beyond Time and Space,
“Imagination” shines eternally through the many layers and faces.
A line of a poem by Leo Vroman speaks from this face:
“Was ik maar een koe, dan at ik mij propvol”
(If I were a cow, I would eat myself full to the brim).
I drink this Golden nectar in.
Form is emptying and Emptiness is forming. On and on. While this Golden Light shines bright trough the appearing and disappearing.
The color of autumn is Golden, and has an after glow before the winter whiteness starts to fill the void.
Sun drops are falling, seeding and glowing.
So bring in the gold and grow the light deep inside.
August 11 2018
It is rosh chodesh Elul, the new moon august 11 2018. The Heat wave is over. The returning Home-inner work of Elul is beginning. To prepare for the Jewish new year to renew and bear new possibilities.
Inviting The Great Unfolding in.
I am
sitting
in the shadow
of the Platan Tree,
on my balcony
with wind and rain
finally blowing and cooling off, off, off
off
falls
a branch with maple like leaves, tough and dry,
a dense spherical cluster of achenes, a seedball
hanging hairy and tight,
on, on, on
a stem
is
falling
falling down in front of my feet
to greet
me
oh wondrous fruit
it is good to see you
and I pray: crack open
inside of me.
to brake up slowly
to release your numerous seeds
but it is still summer
not yet autumn to be seeded
not yet winter to wait
I take my color pens and crack the nut,
this gentle-man-ly face, this camouflage and mask.
headiness, prickliness, glamor and victory
fall
fall off, off, off
all the protectiveness of many lifetimes.
all this shrinking, cringing, recoiling, my stiff- upper- lip melts.
Form is empty.
Emptiness shows forms,
forming
Wrinkles and folds, yess
I am am-ming and hanging
hanging in there
aging and saging
contracting, expanding
holding, moistering and pausing.
moving deeper
moving in
Through Time and Space.
un-covering, letting
Life, a Process
un-fold.
June 2018
It is june 6, the moon is growing, the sun shines bright.
I am in Veenhuizen, up north in Drenthe.In the Netherlands.I am in The old “strafkolonie”, the unfree colony, prisons, borstal and houses to put away tramps and criminals. From the 18th century up until recent (refugees/detention center too). A “put away place”.
The place is as large as a big village in nowhere. Forest and poor land all over. But the Times are Changing.
Exept for one prison still functioning, there is now a “prison museum” for visitors who can buy a prison outfit for fun.!!! Au , Oh, ohhhh. There are restaurants and a Hotel with the name “Bitter-sweet”. Many buildings (formally for custodians, jailors and sick people) are empty now. I am invited to join my friend Helga a graphic designer and artist, to use my etching-press I gave her, and work in her rented studio. A lot of buildings are asking for a new use. Some artist and crafts people are renting a studio. I play with “linoleum cutting and coloring”, making prints. looking through the window and seeing trees and prison bars. Looking in, in my heart, asking, where am I from?
Where am I from?
I am
from the stars and the sun and a cosmic sea
I am
from in between up high and deep below
I am
from female giants with invisible hands and feet
I am
from a dancing Big tree, meant to be free
I am
from Source connected to the waters in the well in
the cave of the Heart in the Center
I am
from a history now gone, and still there are houses build
as prisons and the past is kept alive. Am I still imprisoned?
I am here to let the Light in and to setup a ladder
I am here to call on the angels and let the healing begin
“Light my Fire” I sing
remembering where I am from
In Your light do I see light
kindling the Light, I know:
I am from YOU
and my fire is glowing.
I hear Rabbi Shefa Gold chant: Ki Attah Tahir Neri from psalm 18 (Oh, You light my fire)
Still resonating with the beautiful poem by David Zaslow’s granddaughter Amaya, 8 years old “I am From”, which I had read on facebook.
With special thanks to Rabbi David Zaslow.
May 27 2018
Morning meditation
In the fullness of warm spring/summer light shining bright
Breathing Blessings. Blessing my breathing.
I am. I am just attuning and aligning. In the mystery of life.
praying: may I become this „menorah”, "yah menauwer”.
A Lamp-stand for Your Light.
I hear my heart beat beating,
I feel my heart’s breath
in my chest
breathing, in out, up out
resting, releasing, easing
my hand and arms draw green
greening, branching, treeing
my eyes are softly softening.
the heart is opening
hearing inside:
listen listen, listen……..
"listen, listen, listen to my heart’s song
I will never forget you,
i will never forsake you."
This chant is written by Paramahansa Yogananda,I remember it sung by rabbi David Zeller. See: Path of the Heart CD: www.davidzeller.org/pathoftheheart/
Indeed: God’s out breath is my in breath, my out breath is God’s in breath.
January 31 2018
Songs of Trees
The Songs of Trees drawings honor the new year of Trees celebration January 31 2018. Tu b’shvat. The full moon is in Leo.The saps are rising, from below. The light it getting stronger, nourishing the Source deep in the earth and high above. We are honoring the fertility of fruit trees, by eating and blessing the fruits and planting seeds. It is the season of the end of winter and not yet the outbreak in spring (Pesach). It is the return of Light/Life, it is letting go of winter dark inwardness. Time for cleansing, rooting and grubbing. To loosen up. Preparing the ground (of being) for rebirth.
Abiding in/with the womb of mother earth. Participating in the creation process.
Later in February, Purim will happen: the turning upside down, and revealing the hidden free-ing power of life……
(Inspired by The Songs of Trees by David George Haskell.)
June 20 2017
New Background color
In searching for a new more clear and deep BACKGROUND color for this website, I suggested 'cyclamen red'. A sort of red which contains deep purple and white.
Helga, the webmaster and I liked it. And as I always do searched 'Cyclamen red' on internet:
Ohhhh, what a true attunement reveals itself: This Love Dance. This Deep Truth seeking. Circling on. And so intimate, delicate passionate erotic…
I hear Esther Ofarim singing "oteret la keter varod”, "crowns her with a pink crown”…… Keter, the crown, the encircling, embracing, all pervading unconditional Love/Light.
And then: "nisteret mi nefesh kol chaj”, "hiding from everything” says the translation.
But my understanding is, this nistar, this hiddenness…. (there are nistariem, the hidden ones, guiding me, initiating me into this unconditional pure Love/Light).
And "nefesh kol chaj” is like nishmat kol chaj, all that breathes life………
And again: this cyclamen red, peeps out for a moment…….
off the rock on her chest, and the wind fondles…… ruach lotefet…..
Rakefet LyricsRakefetMitachat lasela tzomachat lefeleRakefet nechmedet me'odVeshemesh mazheret nosheket oteretOteret la keter varod Lalala... Rakefet rakefet tzipor metzaftzefetHatzitzi ach rega elaiRakefet nehederet basela nisteretNisteret minefesh kol chai Lalala... Yatz'a I'm haruakh bat-sheva lasuachHaya az haboker bahirKol Tzemach kol perach osefet baderechUfiah ach zemer vashir Lalala... Misela vageva yoredet Bat shevaRakefet chen al hechazeTzipor metzaftzefet veruach lotefetVesof kvar lazemer haze Lalala... --- CyclamenUnder the rock grows like a wonderA very cute CyclamenThe shining sun kisses itAnd crowns her with a pink crown Cyclamen, the bird whistlesLook at me for a minuteBeautiful Cyclamen hiding under the rockHiding from every thing Bat sheva went out for a walkThe morning was brightShe collected every flower and plantHer mouth full with a song Batsheva sings, Cyclamen speeds uppeeps out for a momentwho is looking at me here?That's Cyclamen Bathsheva gets closer slowly Bat sheva gets off the rockA beautiful Cyclamen on her chestA bird whistles the wind folndlesAnd this song comes to an end. --- Rakefet | רקפתמתחת לסלע צומחת לפלארקפת נחמדת מאוד,ושמש מזהרת נושקת, עוטרת,עוטרת לה כתר ורוד! רקפת, רקפת, ציפור מצפצפת",הציצי אך רגע אלי!"רקפת נהדרת בסלע נסתרת,נסתרת מנפש כל חי! יצאה עם הרוח בת שבע לשוח,היה אז הבוקר בהיר:כל צמח, כל פרח אוספת בדרך,ופיה אך זמר ושיר מסלע וגבע יורדת בת שבע,רקפת חן על החזה..ציפור מצפצפת ורוח לוטפתוסוף כבר לזמר הזה!
Enjoy !!! ...and what is in the color, my cyclamen red, this rose madder, or alizarin crimson red coming from a rubia plant.
How 'cyclamen red' shines through a rose bush, weeds, a peony and a foxglove. Unfolding.
"No longer leaning toward one form of life (attachment) and away from another (aversion) allows psychic energy to flow from our imagination into reality
and transforms our ordinary existence into the sacred."
Rodney Smith, 'From Thought to Stillness'
The Ordinary Is Sacred (from Tricycle the Daily Dharma)
April 2017
the forest blues
the partita no 1 in B minor by Bach
tumbles down through headphones into my ears
icy white hail falls down in front of my eyes in my forest
drip drip, drip
dripping, stopping, melting.
The wind blows
the clouds move on,
a clear blue sky looks at me
me, tearing the forest down into pieces.
taking the fallen drops,
bunching them into a bundle
with blue eyes.
The green mantle kisses my mouth.
Bitterness is turned into a sweet messy jungle smile.
Is it? am I smiling ?
today, april 25 2017 it is the new moon in Taurus, Rosh Chodesh Iyar :
Iyar, the month of sweetening the bitter water,
of the right amount of nourishment, the Manna falling down,
the radiance of the sun getting brighter and warmer,
the sonata in 2 A minor by Bach
vibrantly takes me on, on the journey,
on, on, on
tearing, stopping, melting
letting the wind blow,
letting this month teach me each day
to smile a little bit more.
March 2017
Springtime on Ameland the Netherlands.
Artbook
My "Art Book", the bundling of all the drawings and etching used in the documentary and in-depth interviews just came from the printer.
It is fall time, harvest time. Time to face and bless "this abundance".
How beautiful it is to let my art speak my heart.
Wounds and the healing/wholing made visible as wonders.
The images express the process, rather then a completion. I am not "drawing conclusions". In fact one can look at my drawings as chaotic, too full, or too fuzzy, too 'wishywashy' , or too this and that. You may. And, yes, and I like you to open your heart and sense, see, feel from there, receive the invitation to open the gates of the heart and allow whatever presents itself to touch you. I pray that the healing power of transformative art making gets transmitted to you through the images, words and theme's.
May you be able to look at, contemplate, and commune with all the drawings and mono-prints of etchings related to the inner work. To acknowledge " drawing seeing and feeling". Bringing art and heart into difficult life experiences. Moving on. The spiritual journey home.
In the future I intend to use it as raw material for autobiographcal writing, visual journeying, and the harvesting and distilling of "seeds of wisdom" in the context of creating one's own spiritual legacy. Enjoy!
ISBN 978-908-24-681-44. It is self published. You can buy it.
You can see the artbook here.
ARCHIVE
" The times they are a changing.” Tread by tread, I follow a golden thread, Novemer 1, 2016
Shedding my skin, drinking
these golden drops of autumn light
in.
Soon on the move leaving
waving trees and shadows behind
out.
Blessing the sparks falling down
crowning body heart and soul
within and without
I stand between heaven and earth,
I am „a geher”, my legs are for walking
up and down and on and on.
My summer flowers, June 2016
Workshop 'Darkness, Light and Longing', December 13, 2015
December 13,
Photo taken by Steffi Aronson Karp during workshop 'Darkness, Light and Longing',
Sarasota, USA
Art exhibition ‘2 Levens’ / ‘2 lives’ in Amsterdam, November 27, 2015
Opening Art exhibition ‘2 Levens’ / ‘2 lives’ in Amsterdam, November 27, 2015
Foto Doretti de Goede-Moningka
About Art exhibition ‘2 Levens’ / ‘2 lives’
During the Hannukah dark wintertime, including Tu b’Shvat (January 25), the time when the saps start to rise, hidden from deep below, two artist, Sharon Moss and Carola de Vries Robles will show their art works.
Carola de Vries Robles
She was born in Amsterdam in 1946, in a 3-generation Jewish family. With a Sephardic father, Ashkenazi mother, sister born in 1932, brother in 1944, in concentration camp Westerbork. The war, the post war difficulties, the many losses and betrayals, the confusions and unattended fears and rage, the Great Silence mixed with a zest for freedom and a strong drive to fight for a better life were the ingredients of a sticky marinade she was immersed in. At the same time she happened to be a curious kid with a rich imagination. Searching for secrets, the hidden mystery. Asking: what does it mean to be human? Not just a so-called human being. What does it mean to be a Mensch, a Good- Being, a God- Being. A Being of Truth and Beauty?
As a (Social) Psychologist she begins her career as a trainer, teacher, coach and mentor. Specializing in body-oriented psychotherapy and trauma work. Pioneering in the field of transpersonal approaches, including soul work, spiritual direction and ‘aging into saging’. Reb Zalman Schachter Shalomi z”l blessed her as a ‘Mashpiah Ruhanit’, a spiritual guide, The Jewish Renewal Movement as an ‘Eshet Hazon’, a woman of vision.
Initially she used ‘expressive arts’ only in a therapeutic context. Since 2000 she integrates her visual art making in her spiritual practice. In 2013 she completed making the documentary/film ‘To Remember To Return’ and the Art-book ‘Facing and Blessing’. She is using visual journaling, creative writing and autobiographical work in the context of harvesting one’s life experience.
Art becomes a healing force. Transformative art making, in combination with prayer and meditation, enhances wellbeing, opens the gates of the heart and restores the capacity to feel. Reconnecting us with Source. (Tikkun ha Nephesh).
Carola’s art education began with Gestalt-art, sensory awareness and ‘body-art’. She also practiced ‘Dharma-art’, Japanese Sumi-e and artmaking based on psychomotor movement (Michiel Dhont) for many years. Joined a Waldorf/Anthroposofic art education. And still studies and practices together with professional artists. Her art making gained depth through Jungian based dream-work and a Jewish Embodiment leadership training ‘Embodying Spirit, En-Spiriting the Body’.
The worlds of soul, the imagination and Life beyond death are becoming visible and ‘real’. Alive. Her art works are not ‘things’, or ‘end products’. They are snapshots, frozen flashes in the process of metamorphosing on.
These many ‘identities’, the faces, the moods, layers and struggles are here to dialogue with.
May my art touch your heart.
EXPOSITIE ‘2 LEVENS’
Zij is geboren in 1946 in Amsterdam als nakomertje in een ’Joods Gemengd’ nest (vader Sefardisch, moeder Ashkenazisch) met een zus geboren in 1932 en broertje in Westerbork in 1944. Oorlog, verlies, verwarring, het niet praten, vrijheidsdrang en vechtlust kreeg ze met de paplepel ingegoten. Zelf is zij, een dromerig en nieuwsgierig kind, altijd op zoek naar geheimen. Het verborgene. Vragend: wat betekent het MENS te zijn? Een Mensch. Niet zomaar een mens, een goed mens, een God’s mens, een echt mens.
Ze gaat (sociale) psychologie studeren. Wordt trainer, docent, opleider, vernieuwer, lichaamsgerichte psychotherapeut, trauma specialist, Feldenkrais leraar, geestelijk begeleider en mentor (‘Mashpiah Ruhanit’, Joodse vernieuwingsbeweging, Rabbijn Zalman Schachter Shalomi z”l). Adem, beweging, klank, woord en gebaar helpen non-verbale, onbewuste en onvermoede zielelagen aan te raken. Door ‘verhalen’ en ‘werelden’ heen opent het hart zich. Innerlijke beelden komen tot expressie. Het vermogen tot ‘voelen’ wordt in ere hersteld.
Opleidingen in Gestalt-art, sensory awareness, ‘dharma-art’, psychomotorisch beeldend werken, kunstzinnige vorming en ‘Embodying Spirit’, ondersteunen dit proces. Haar beeldend werken verdiept zich, de intuïtie en imaginatie ontwikkelt zich. Het beoefenen van ‘expressive arts’ brengt de scheppingskracht ten volle tot leven.
Zo wordt ‘kunst-maken’ Zelf ontwikkeling, werkt het helend en bevordert het bewustzijnsverandering. (Tikkun ha Nephesh).
Spiritualiteit, de Bron, de essentie, onvoorwaardelijke Liefde, een God’s besef, de non-duale, natuurlijke staat van Zijn, dat Niets en Alles is als boter in de boterkoek verweven in haar omgaan met wat het leven biedt, in haar denken, tekenen, en Zelf-onderzoek. Transformerend tekenen is ziele-werk. Ouder worden is levenskunst beoefenen. Joods zijn is een bron van vreugde geworden. Dankbaar kan zij de vruchten van jarenlang innerlijk werk delen en in het LJG gebouw laten zien.
2 LEVENS
2 heel verschillende kunstenaars exposeren. Carola’s werk toont vele gezichten, meer dan twee:
Delf mijn gezicht op, maak mij mooi.
Wie mij ontmaskert, zal mij vinden.
Ik heb gezichten, meer dan twee,
ogen die tasten in den blinde,
harten aan angst voor angst ten prooi.
Delf mijn gezicht op, maak mij mooi.
Delf mijn gezicht op, maak mij mooi.
Wie wordt ontmaskerd, wordt gevonden
en zal zichzelf opnieuw verstaan,
en leven, bloot en onomwonden,
aan niets en niemand meer ten prooi.
Delf mijn gezicht op, maak bij mooi.
Huub Oosterhuis.
Reb Zalman z”l world wide remembered
World wide Reb Zalman z”l will be remembered
on Sunday August 17, 21 menachem av 5774
Beit Ha Chidush Amsterdam organizes a memorial gathering:
Herdenkingsbijeenkomst - Memorial Gathering
Reb Zalman Schachter-Shalomi z.tz.l.
Aanvang: 15:00 uur
Locatie: wordt nog bekend gemaakt
Baruch Dayan Emet
Op 3 juli overleed rabbijn Zalman Schachter Shalomi z.tz.l., bijna 90 jaar oud. Hij was een groot licht in zijn generatie, heeft velen geïnspireerd om zich weer met het Jodendom te verbinden, en stond aan de wieg van de Jewish Renewal beweging. Hij heeft Joodse mystiek toegankelijk gemaakt, en is diepe banden aangegaan met leiders van andere wereldreligies. Ook bij Beit ha’Chidush ervaren we zijn invloed. Wij zijn diep bedroefd, en ook dankbaar voor zijn wijsheid en alles wat we van hem geleerd hebben.
Op zondag 17 augustus (v.a. 15:00 uur), de dag dat hij 90 jaar geworden zou zijn, houden wij daarom voor hem een herdenkingsbijeenkomst. De locatie zal later deze maand bekend gemaakt worden.
We beginnen met een korte minchadienst met enkele van reb Zalman’s liturgische vernieuwingen.
We zullen iets leren en kaddish de rabbanan zeggen. Daarna zijn er enige van Zalman’s teksten en niggunim, herinneringen, muziek, verhalen, en natuurlijk drank en nash.
Neem alsjeblieft iets lekkers mee voor koffie of borrel. Aanmeldingen graag bij bhc.rabbijn@gmail.com
Rabbi Zalman Schachter Shalomi, best known as the founder of Jewish Renewal passed July 3, 2014, almost 90 years old."Reb Zalman” as he preferred to be known, was the most influential Jewish change-maker of his generation. His ideas and work spawned the worldwide Jewish Renewal movement. He was visionary in creating fully inclusive communities, making Jewish mysticism and joyful observance available to several generations of Jews, as well as engaging in deep ecumenical relationships with leaders of the world’s religions. Also in Beit ha’Chidush we experience his influence. We are sad but also profoundly grateful for his wisdom and compassion and all we have learnt from him.
On Sunday August 17th (start 3 pm), the day he would have turned 90 years old, we hold a memorial gathering.The location will be announced later this month. We will hold a short mincha service, with some of Reb Zalmans liturgy, then learn and say kaddish de rabbanan. Then a selection of his texts, niggunim, music, stories, and of course drink and potluck nash. Please register at bhc.rabbijn@gmail.com
In honor of Reb Zalman, z”l
Rabbi Shefa Gold’s Kaddish de Rabannan, music and words, expresses very beautifully
my gratefulness and joy of taking part in Reb Zalman’s legacy and lineage.
May his light shine bright and keep guiding us, from other realms too.
Rabbi Shefa Gold. From CD Enchantment, the power of intention.
(Clip taken out of the documentary "To remember To return”, Jewish Renewal version.)
Kaddish de Rabbanan
Yitgadal v’yitkadash sh’may raba, amen.
May all blessing
Flow through time
Watering new growth
In my open heart
That I may be
Teacher, student, both.
O Holy Name
Connect my soul
To all my teacher’s glory
And I will shine
Their light again
To illuminate my story.
May all blessing
Blow through space
Spreading wisdom’s seed
In fertile minds
With willing hand
fulfilling every need.
Here is my contribution to Reb Zalman z”l tribute-book.
See: www. aleph.org
Studiedag Kabbala en Teshuva
HAPPY NEW YEAR
Nieuwjaarswens 5776
Joods Nieuwjaar op Ameland. De dag van het shofarblazen en van het herinneren.
Het weer is zacht, de zee is kalm. Teruggetrokken, In eb.
De lucht is helder en bewolkt, allebij. Ik zing in mezelf:
"min ha olam, ad olam attah El, in Shefa Gold's melodie.
Van hier tot ginds, van nu tot straks, Jij, jij jij. El chaj. JIJ, een levende Bron. Grond zonder grond. God van mededogen, van Genade, het Grote Geven. Vergeven en Verlossen. Jij.
Ik adem onmacht uit, mijn onvolmaakt zijn en angst om te falen. En geef al mijn angsten aan de kalme zee.
Ook de a van ach, van was ik maar en had ik maar (net als vrouwtje Piggelmee):
en ook zo'n staart van het grazend paard zwiepend in de wei.
Of de a van:
- 't moet anders
- ik ben anti, ik ben tegen.
Al die oude aannames en besturingspatronen laat ik gaan, aahhhhhhh.
Ik voel de b van bewegen en bewust beleven. Snuif de zoute zee in. Ik geef de b van bah, van hier mijn bagger en gebroed. Alles gaat immers toch zoals het gaat en moet.
Ik geef de c van Carola mee. De cinema, de film, de Carola show. Stroom verder, kabbel door, ontvouw, ontrol, laat je ware gezicht zien en voel je gezien. Aanwezig. Ahhhhhhhhh. Ahavah rabbah........ In Grote Liefde bloeiende.
Ik geef de d van duister, donker, dood en donder. Veel gedonder mee.
Want "met geld doe je wonderen, en zonder is het donderen" (toegeschreven aan grootvader Martijn de Vries, mijn moeders vader). En ook de d van "deuren dicht", en "de zware lasten moet je in je eentje dragen". Neeeeeeee.
Ik zet de gevangenisdeuren open. Jaag de oude verwarrende instructies en negatieve ideen weg.
Ik hoor de shofar dat oude bouwsel, die "persistent mass" in duizend stukken blazen.
En adem nieuwe bouwstenen in: de a van ademruimte, van aandacht, liefdevolle aandacht en van aanhaken en appreciëren.
De b van bidden met de benen, met een zachte ruime buik. De b van buigen en barsten en ook van bedaren en bestemmen. De c van contact aangaan, in verbinding zijn en blijven, in "connectedness" zijn,
"heart-centered".
De d van durven (zonder te duwen), doorzetten en in de diepte duiken, "delf mijn gezicht op.... ik heb er meer dan twee". Ook de d van doorknippen, onDerscheiden, het verstandig discrimineren. Ik adem de d van "Divine" in, De draad. De rode draad. De d van doen, goed doen, je best doen op een zachte geconcentreerde en gecentreerde manier. De d van EchaDddddd. Ik her-inner mij. Her-EENigd. Echad. Open in verwondering. In El chai wekayam. Die levende eeuwigdurende Bron. Adem. Ruach chaj wekayam. Dankbaar wandel ik verder op het strand van Ameland.
Ik stoot iets interessants aan. Grote geelbruine poten springen uit een schulp en spartelen wild. ik zie een gestrande krab. De krab doet verwoede pogingen om terug op te krabbelen. Maakt een spurt op hoge poten richting zee. Even. De krab valt stil in het zand. Ik sta erbij. Meet de afstand van krab tot water. Dat water lijkt eindeloos ver weg. En be vraag mezelf: ingrijpen of laten?. Ik adem kalm, in en uit. Ben stil, in een wil van laten.
Thuis gekomen, vraag ik mezelf opnieuw, waar sta ik nu? Of liever: HOE sta ik nu in m'n leven? Sta ik in het midden, het lege midden? Sta ik stil? Laat ik me dragen? is het "a stand still", "an inbetween"? Ik sta in een pause moment tussen daar en hier, tussen wat nu al straks is en is geweest en zo direct al overmorgen zal zijn. Wanneer is de tijd rijp voor mij om terug naar zee te bewegen? Of, te landen?
De ervaring van het opkrabbelen en stranden van de krab werkt in me na,
in mijn krabbels, en krassen. Er komen woorden bij. Het is goed zo.
Moge dit komende jaar genoeg pause momenten "ingenomen" worden, om stil te staan bij wat zich voordoet. Moge ik en vele anderen met mij de rust en het vertrouwen proeven van bij zichZelf thuis te zijn en te luisteren naar "wanneer de Tijd rijp is". Wanneer is het wijs om actie te ondernemen of juist niets te doen?.
To act or not to act. That is the question. "Volgen, sturen en toetsen" heette een cursus voor artsen die ik ooit gaf. Met deze wijsheid wens ik vrede voor alle mensen op aarde. een goed en zoet 5776.
Carola de Vries Robles, 2e dag RoshhaSh. 15-09-15
Happy New Year 5775
A dear far away friend Jessica Kreimerman Lew made a Rosh Ha Shannah card,
honoring one of my original paintings/faces. May her creativity and the good wishes bless you all.
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